Fur & Fortune Department Store

Blog

  • The Tea Room Unveils Its Summer Menu

    Attend, if you please, to the glad tidings from the Fifth Floor. The Fur & Fortune Tea Room, under the baton of Chef Beaumont Crumpet, has published its Summer Menu, a document of such delicacy that it was printed on paper made from lavender.

    Among its marvels are the Cucumber and Anchovy Finger (2 treats), the Cold Salmon Mousse in a Teacup (4 treats), and a Strawberry Cream Sundae the height of a small house (6 treats). Tea is served in porcelain cups with a handle too small for any paw. This is deliberate. It encourages a more thoughtful sip and, frankly, a higher class of spill.

  • Weather Report From The Observatory

    A bulletin from the Sixth Floor Observatory, where our resident meteorologist, Captain Ambrose Whisp, has been watching the weather through a brass telescope. This afternoon the skies are clear, the pigeons are plentiful, and the sunbeam on the roof terrace is a generous two yards across.

    Captain Whisp predicts a light shower at half past four, a stiff breeze at five, and a distinct possibility of crumbs by six. He recommends that any gentleman cat venturing onto the terrace should wear a hat, and that any lady cat should bring a parasol. Neither will be provided, but both may be admired at the Millinery Counter, on the Third Floor.

  • The Haberdashery Hall Welcomes A New Ribbon Wall

    It is my solemn duty to announce that the Haberdashery Hall now boasts a Ribbon Wall of such dazzling proportions that a visiting aunt was seen to faint. Over three hundred spools hang from brass rails, in colours from Brilliant Mackerel to Doleful Plum.

    Mr. Hargreaves, our Head of Haberdashery, will cut any length you desire, measured with a ruler he calls ‘Dorothy’. Please note that ribbon dangled in front of a cat is, regrettably, a recipe for chaos, and the store will not be held liable for tangles, knots, or the eleven minutes Mr. Hargreaves spent on Tuesday trapped in a bow.

  • A Word On Lift Etiquette, From Miss Pounce

    Miss Ottoline Pounce, our esteemed Lift Attendant these twenty three years, has asked that the following be published for the benefit of all patrons. First, one does not sniff the other passengers. Second, one does not paw at the buttons, which are brass and expensive. Third, one does not sit in the corner and refuse to alight at the intended floor.

    She further wishes to remind customers that the lift ascends at a stately 1.2 feet per second, and that attempts to hurry her will be met with a dignified silence of up to eleven minutes. Miss Pounce reports that the lift is quite content, and that the hum is the sound of a tune only she can hear.

  • Introducing The Great Cushion Gallery

    Gather in, if you please, and mind the rug. On the Second Floor, beneath a chandelier of some 340 crystals, we are proud to unveil the Great Cushion Gallery: a hall of two hundred and twelve cushions, arranged by firmness, fragrance, and historical significance.

    Visitors may recline upon any specimen for up to four minutes, after which a gentleman in white gloves will say ‘I beg your pardon’ and rattle a small bell. The finest exhibit is the Tuftington Pouffe, stuffed in 1911 with the hair of eleven distinguished uncles. It is not for sale. It is, however, available to sit upon, at 3 treats per hour.

  • A Proclamation For The Summer Season

    Ladies, Gentlemen and Distinguished Felines, it is with the keenest pleasure that Fur & Fortune declares its Summer Season open. Beneath the great glass dome of the Atrium, the fans have been polished, the awnings unfurled, and the Information Desk has been swept of its customary crumbs.

    All six floors will be at your service, from the Ground Floor Perfumery to the lofty Sixth Floor Observatory, where a telescope has been installed for viewing pigeons at a distance of one hundred and ten yards. Be pleased to wear light fur. Be prepared to be impressed. And be advised that the Floorwalker, Sir Reginald, will be nodding at everybody from eleven o’clock.