Hear ye, hear ye! The Grand August Sale begins at the stroke of nine tomorrow morning. Prepare yourselves, distinguished patrons, for reductions of such magnitude that the Ground Floor ledger has been moved to a safe.
Collars at a third off. Cushions at a quarter off. Bells, bows and curious items in the Odds and Ends Basket at whatever price the Floorwalker feels like on the day. Doors will open to an orderly queue, formed by 7:30, and managed by a cat in a braided coat with a megaphone. Please do not push, nor yowl, nor attempt to enter by the delivery chute.